Sometimes it’s very lonely inside me. Not outside, but lets face it there is not much that matters out there. I find myself in deep thought. I think maybe searching for a friend hiding in my deepest memory. Some days it seems to go on for ever, yet there is a knowledge that someone is very near waiting for just the right moment to quiet my trembling soul. Alas I go on, it’s just an ache constantly reminding me that my closest friend has somehow forgotten me. I know it’s a selfish want, but it’s the only real relationship I have ever had and I just don’t know what I would do, if for something I did, it would all end. But, wait I know better, that’s not the nature of my friend. Our friendship isn’t about success or failure, it’s about being loved exactly as I am and loving to learn more and more about loving him in like manner. Then in all my restless longing it gets terribly quiet, almost foreboding, but not really, because there is a peace that seems to start deep within and slowly spreads out to every fiber of my being and beyond until I am in a cocoon of quiet. In an instant I am aware that my friend is there and with it comes the understanding that he was there all the time. In the very stillness I can now hear not with my ears, but with my heart. My friend is there in some part within that I have no explanation for. It’s the same every time. I can’t make it all translate to anything on earth, oh how I wish I could share this with someone.  But then, it wouldn’t be a special time just for me and my best friend and the lover of my soul.

~ by spiritualhypster on 06/28/2012.

One Response to “Lonely”

  1. I had an experience once – alone, camping out in the woods. I was looking at the moon reflected in the water and listening to the sounds of Nature and all of a sudden I felt this profound loneliness come over me… not a personal feeling, it was BIG – like a cosmic loneliness, the loneliness of all beings in the universe…

    I sat with that feeling for more than an hour, and at one point I felt my heart just break open with it, I accepted it, and embraced that infinite sadness… and then I felt the Presence, the peace, the joy within it.

    Just beautiful. Thanks for sharing.


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